Break but Shatter
by Commander Fiction
Summary: He promised himself that he'd be there when his best friend breaks, but he didn't realize he would not break but shatter beyond repair. Bones and Jim pairing. In honor of the new movie, Star Trek Beyond. Hurt Jim/Angsty Bones. Now complete, enjoy! Just say something if you want a sequel, currently one is not planned.
1. if i fall will you catch me?

A _Star Trek_ Fiction

 _"The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever."_

Break but Shatter

 **if i fall will you catch me?**

He promised himself that he'd be there when his best friend breaks, but he didn't realize he would not break but shatter beyond repair.

He's known his friend for years, meeting him on shuttle ride to the academy. He ended up puking on the man but he made up for it with the alcohol. The blond man accepted the drink and ever since then they've been inseparable, through the highs and lows of life.

He's known since the beginning that his friend is cracking, falling apart into pieces that dissolve in the darkness. And he promised himself that'd he be there for his boisterous blond friend when he did finally fall apart, so he can put the pieces back together.

The blond isn't the most talkative person; he keeps things to himself and lets it consume him from the inside out. But usually he's there to save his friend, to pull him from the raging fire before it swallows him whole and turns him into a crisp. He has to be there, because no one else will break Jim's fall. No one else will hold the crumbling pieces of Jim's life into place. No one will take the time to fit the puzzle pieces back together.

So Leonard Horatio McCoy made it his personal duty to be there for Jim if he ever fell, so he can catch him and bring him into a safe place where the fire can't touch him and the darkness is scared away with light.

He'd never let Jim fall because he'll always be there to steady him back on his feet, but he didn't expect Jim to fall apart standing.

Jim's thick wall of defense is strong, he holds back most of the violent emotions inside, but he is no Vulcan. So when he is defeated from the inside out, making him shatter into a million pieces that fall between the cracks of the universe, it doesn't surprise him, but it is all too sudden for his Doctor friend.

Bones didn't see it coming. Jim was fine, his demeanor was stoic and his mind seemed at ease. Nothing was supposed to happen; it was supposed to be a normal day of exploration. So when Jim started to crack, he couldn't catch all the pieces that split off, he could only watch in despair as Jim falls and shatters into a million pieces.

Jim didn't just break, but shatter.


	2. if i cry will you hold me?

A _Star Trek_ Fiction

 _"The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever."_

Break but Shatter

 **if i cry will you hold me?**

Everything has a beginning, and this is where it all started. Where Bones finally noticed the crack growing along Jim's persona, releasing his demons and letting the despair crawl back up to his mind.

Jim may give off the whole bravado front, but if one is to tear past his rigid walls of his pathetic attempt to hide his anxiety, they'll find a soft and tender inside. Bones has fought through these barriers, multiple times, constantly earning the blond's trust back.

So with knowing him so well, it didn't take long for Bones to see the signs and count down the days for the ultimate explosion. The moment it'll all come crashing down, but he planned to defuse the bomb, to find it at its roots and dig it up. But not everything goes to plan, especially when it comes to the rambunctious Captain.

Bones is strolling down the corridor, grimacing at the bright white walls and keeping his gaze fixated on the black floor. Jim's waiting for him in his quarters. It's become a recent habit of the blond to sleep in Bones' room. But if Leonard's honest with himself, he's fine with it, it means their relationship is intact, that it hasn't fallen apart, completely that is.

So the Medical Officer keeps his pace steady, thinking of ways to address the problem at heart.

McCoy knows there's a problem; he can read all the signs now. Jim's been having nightmares, and if he doesn't have nightmares he can't sleep. His palms are constantly sweaty and the paleness of his skin frightens Leonard.

Bones sighs and rounds the last corner, brushing by Chekov who greets him with a cheeky smile before vanishing down the hallway. The brunette glides up to the door, his fingers edging to punch in his code, but he stops, his ears straining to hear the commotion inside of the room. He peers over; pressing his ear closer to the door, tuning in to Jim's muffled noises. The blond is crying softly, heaving sobs that work its way through his chest and out his mouth.

His heart breaks within the moment and reaches his hand out to open the door but stops. Maybe this isn't the best time. Maybe he should allow Jim to heal before opening up the floodgates to the blond's uncontrollable emotions.

So Bones stops himself, taking a few steps away from his room. Tonight, Jim will have to lock the mansion doors himself. But now, looking back at that moment, Leonard takes it all back. Maybe, just maybe he wouldn't have the shattered fragments of what Jim is now if he had opened the door.


	3. if i hurt will you protect me?

A _Star Trek_ Fiction

 _"The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever."_

Break but Shatter

 **if i hurt will you protect me?**

Letting Jim cry himself to sleep isn't the only mistake Leonard made during Jim's downfall to chaos. Only if the good Doctor had stepped up when he needed to, Jim would still be Jim.

The reckless blond currently steers the Enterprise back home, informing them all over the ship's speakers that they were called back to port in at Earth, which made everyone have puzzled looks on their faces. They're on a five-year mission, why are they heading back now?

Leonard should have seen the pain building up behind Jim's eyes as they slowly got closer and closer to Earth. He should have pulled Jim aside and shielded him from the anguish, but he sat back and stared as Jim's fracture grows wider and longer, creeping into the aspects of his personality, hindering his decisions and words.

Spock seemed profoundly concerned of the Captain's apparent disposition, for Jim barely spoke nor ate during the trek home.

McCoy kept brushing it off, trying to reassure himself that Jim is just going through a phase and that his strapping Captain will be back in no time. But Jim only slides into deeper depression, allowing his fears and anxieties determine his next course of action.

Now Bones is failing as a friend, he's watching Jim fall apart before his eyes. And even though he vowed all those years ago to guard Jim and to break his fall if he ever got knocked down, he finds himself staring and wondering when he become so apathetic.

Jim needs him, so he steps up and tries to confront the blond. But it's too late; Jim brushes him off just as easily as Leonard had leaving Jim to cry himself to sleep.

Bones knows he can try harder, to push the blond until he forms a new crack in their friendship so Jim will give in, but he's afraid if he shoves too hard that their relationship will completely shatter. So he doesn't pry further, he's left gazing after Jim, pondering how they've gotten so close, yet so far away from each other.

Now not only has Leonard left Jim vulnerable and crying, but now he has failed to protect the blond from himself. So now looking back at the past couple of weeks, McCoy can understand why Jim shattered into so many pieces…and deep down he knows it's his entire fault.


	4. if i tell will you understand me?

A _Star Trek_ Fiction

 _"The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever."_

Break but Shatter

 **if i tell will you understand me?**

They're back on Earth and honestly the warm sun has never felt better on Leonard's skin. He welcomes the fuzzy feeling it brings within his body, but when Jim brushes passed him without so much as a grunt, his mood turns sour.

Jim's been irritable the whole way home and he's still in the dark. Leonard has no idea what's going on, or why they've even come back to Earth, Jim refuses to inform him about the matter.

The blond is crumbling slowly and Bones isn't sure if he should gather the pieces, he's tried so many times to get Jim to tell him, but the Captain is insistent that he stops asking. So when Jim comes to him the next day, fear clearly written across his weary brow, Leonard's astonished when Jim wants to talk.

"Why are we really here?" McCoy asks with his tender southern drawl that brings Jim's undivided attention onto his face.

"It's about my brother." Jim murmurs gently, his head hanging as the sun hides behind the distant plains of Iowa.

Leonard gazes at him, taking in Jim's sorrowful gestures as the blond barely manages to keep his voice from being sucked away into nothingness. The pain building up within Jim's chest is unbearable and Bones longs to wrap an arm around his friend, but he reframes from doing so.

"What happened?" Bones questions, giving the blond's shoulder a light squeeze before letting out a gruff sigh that really serves no purpose but to slightly annoy Jim.

The blue eyes gaze his way and Bones feels his soul being looked into, "Sam's dead…my brother's gone Bones," The Captain tells him almost dully, but it's the only way to block out the emotional pain.

Doctor stares right through him, missing the despair piling up in Jim's mind.

"Is that what's got you so worked up?" He inquires but Jim's eyes water and the blond turns his head away, "No," Jim scoffs after a moment and Bones looks at him curiously.

"Jim, I know you and Sam weren't very close, but still, he's your brother. That should mean something to you." Leonard replies and he wished he hadn't said that because the protective barrier slides up behind Jim's ocean blue eyes.

Bones misread the situation and he wishes he could rewind time and come back so he can fix this, because he understands now, but then, no, he had no idea what was hurting Jim so much.

"Bones you don't understand." Jim tells him sharply, his voice trembling as he gathers to his feet.

Leonard stares after him, "Jim…" He breathes softly, but his best friend is gone, out of reach and is falling to the ground harder than Bones likes to pretend to think.

So here he is, wondering how at the time he had misinterpreted the situation. How did he not realize that Sam's absence in Jim's life wasn't the problem? But now he can only look back and imagine all the ways he could have prevented Jim's ultimate destruction.


	5. if i go will you follow me?

A _Star Trek_ Fiction

 _"The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever."_

Break but Shatter

 **if i go will you follow me?**

Bones nudges and Jim shoves, it's that simple.

The Doctor should have understood Jim the other day, but he's still left utterly confused, left wondering what is causing his blond friend so much pain.

He meets up with Jim, catching him right before he's about to hop into a shuttle for his brother's untimely funeral. There's pure despair in those blue eyes and they hold so much more than the universe behind them.

"Bones." Jim greets him uncharacteristically hushed, trying to sum up a genuine smile, but it falls short all too quickly.

Leonard smiles, giving the rusted shuttle craft behind the blond a glance before returning his gaze to his friend, "So, you're leaving." He drawls out lamely and Jim nods.

"Yeah, I'll be gone for a week or so." The blond replies slowly, giving his neck hairs a scratch almost nervously.

Bones sighs, "By yourself? You sure you wanna go alone?"

Jim looks into his eyes and Bones silently pleads that the blond will say the words they both want to hear. But Jim's mute cry for Leonard's company is shoved aside and his pride swallows it whole.

"No, I'll be fine." The Captain reassures and Bones nods his head, pretending to understand when he really doesn't.

Jim's eyes say it all, he longs for Bones to nudge and be forceful, to demand to come with, but it seems both of their prides get the best of them.

"Alright, guess I'll see you in a week then." He offers a smirk and Jim meets it with a lopsided one, one of which usually brings about a warm feeling in Bones' chest, but it fails to do so this time around.

The blond climbs inside, gripping his bag tightly, "Yeah, in a week."

"Bye Jim." Bones calls out to him, "Bye Bones," Jim returns and then heads completely inside, the shuttle door slamming shut behind him.

McCoy watches the shuttle zip away and along with it, his best friend. How could he have predicted what was to come next? But at the very least he should have gone with Jim. He's supposed to follow Jim wherever he goes, but this time, his arrogance got in the way, and yet again he has failed Jim.

If Bones had followed his best friend through that door, despite his fear of flying, perhaps Jim would still be fixable; perhaps he would've been able to pick up puzzle pieces instead of the shattered remains of Jim's unfortunate life.


	6. if i leave will you pursue me?

A _Star Trek_ Fiction

 _"The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever."_

Break but Shatter

 **if i leave will you pursue me?**

At the time, if Leonard was truly honest with himself, he didn't think much more of Jim after the blond had left with silence consuming the both of them. McCoy had simply returned to Georgia, leaving Iowa long behind him and pushing the frightening image of Jim's hurt look.

The southern man spent the next few days relaxing, letting the Georgian sun soak into his already tanning skin. He accepted the peace that washes over him and is grateful to his mother for taking him in, especially in such short notice.

"Leonard dear, I know that face." His mother greets him gently as she leaves the shelter of her home and steps out onto the old-styled wooden porch.

Leonard smiles and gathers to his feet, giving his sweet mother a kiss on the cheek before plopping back down in his chair.

"What face?" Leonard finally grounds out huskily, giving his growing beard a quick scratch, settling his gaze on the rising sun.

Miss McCoy chuckles softly and takes a seat beside her only son, "Lenny-"

"Momma I'm not ten." Bones interrupts all too sharply.

His mother sighs, "Leonard dear, what's bothering you?"

Bones looks into his momma's gleaming eyes, "It's Jim."

"Oh, honey, do you miss him? How is he doing? I heard about his brother. Poor thing." Miss McCoy asks, her voice filled with instant concern and Bones could only wish he could care as much as his mother does.

"No, I don't miss him…and I dunno momma, we haven't spoken lately." The Doctor admits shamefully.

His mother gasps, "Leonard Horatio McCoy!"

"Momma!" He wails a desperate plea for her not to use his full name, but it doesn't stop his mother, nothing ever does.

"Leonard I want you to go to your friend right now! I can't believe you let him go all alone to his brother's funeral. You need to be there for him Lenny. The boy has no family, besides his mother and Frank, and we both know how they treated him." Miss McCoy states firmly and Leonard hops to his feet.

"Momma, you're right." He breathes and plants another kiss on her cheek.

She smiles brightly at him, "I'm always am."

"Thank you so much momma. Now, please if you excuse me, very sorry but I have a Jim Kirk to catch." Bones shouts as he rushes into the house to collect his belongings.

He's going to find Jim, whether the blond likes it or not. Bones knows he should have gone with Jim in the first place; he should have gone on the shuttle with his best friend, not scramble after him five days late.

If only he knew what was going to happen if he didn't go, if only he had swallowed his pride and followed Jim like he was supposed to.

Little did he know at the time, he was most definitely more than five days too late.


	7. if i bleed will you fix me?

A _Star Trek_ Fiction

 _"The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever."_

Break but Shatter

 **if i bleed will you fix me?**

Leonard can only wish that he'd shown up sooner to the scene. He can only imagine the ways he could have prevented these next couple of horribly long days ahead of him.

The Starfleet Doctor finally reaches the old household where Jim had grown up after a long day of shuttle rides and walking. Bones personally has never been here, Jim would never take him, but it didn't surprise him considering the fact that Jim himself would never come a thousand feet of this place.

With a sigh Leonard follows the dirt path to the door, holding his breath as he knocks, waiting for the familiar face to greet him, but he's met by a different one.

"Can I help you?" The older man growls, leaning against the doorway.

Bones' mouth hangs, "Yes, uhh is Kirk here?"

The man's eyes instantly narrow and Leonard feels chills climb his spine, "Why?"

"He's my friend-I came to check in on him." Bones stutters slightly as he sees the man edging to close the door, "You must be Frank I presume?" He adds, hoping to earn some mutual trust.

"Yes, I'm Frank. You must be that Doctor fella Jimmy talks about a lot." Frank replies rather plainly and Bones can't help but smile.

So Jim does care about him.

"May I see him?" Leonard chirps, trying to be genuinely kind, but the man before him is an abusive asshole.

Frank grunts, "Yeah, of course, lemme fetch him."

The man than leaves the door, heading further into the house to retrieve Jim. Leonard waits outside, longing to go inside to get his blond friend himself, but then again he doesn't want to get into any trouble with Frank.

After several long moments, Jim appears at the door. The blond's movements are slow as he shuts the door and steps beside Bones.

"Jim!" He gasps, taking in the horrific sight.

Jim is tattered up. His right arm hangs limply at his side, his left knee is quite swollen, and his lips are cut and bleeding.

"I'm fine Bones." Jim assures him pathetically, but wavers on his feet.

Leonard steadies him immediately, "The hell you are."

"It's just been a long couple of days. I'm just tired Bones." Jim mutters softly, his gaze becoming distant, as if seeing unimaginable horrors beyond Leonard's comprehension.

"Tired? You think tired covers this? Look at yourself Jim…" Bones sighs, keeping a firm grip on the blond's arm to keep him from toppling over off of the porch.

"I'm just really tired Bones." Jim repeats slowly, his head dropping.

Leonard looks into the bright blue eyes, wishing to see the normal spark of life within them, "Then why don't you come home Jim? Why don't you come home and I'll fix you up and we'll have a nice bottle of booze."

"I can't." Jim voice shakes uncharacteristically so.

"Jim you can't do this…" Bones trails off as the blond begins to cough, almost keeling over with pain.

"Woah I gotch'you." Leonard exclaims, wrapping his arms around Jim's waist before he crumbles to the floor.

Jim's chest heaves loudly in effort to suck in enough oxygen as Bones brings him upright, "Damn it Jim."

The blond chuckles lightly, bringing his hand to the edge of his mouth to wipe the blood from his lips. Bones just stares at him as Jim once again becomes stable upon his two feet.

There's a long pause, longer than it should have been, "Jim, what happened?"

"Not now Bones." The blond mumbles, gazing into Bones' eyes, trying frantically to hide the pain welling in his chest.

Leonard's breathing stops, Jim's eyes are filling with unshed tears, but the blond refuses to let them fall, "Jim, what's going on? What has he done to you?"

Jim's shaking now, his body almost disintegrating in Leonard's strong arms, "Bones-I can't." The blond gasps desperately, but Bones shakes his head.

"Jim is it-" Bones begins, but he's cut off.

"Jim, come inside. Now." Frank demands, obviously he had been eavesdropping on the conversation.

The blond, instantly becoming an eight year old boy, looks over at his step father and nods his head, not daring to look at Bones as Frank's eyes follow him.

Leonard watches Jim leave in dismay and glares at Frank once the blond is out of sight.

"Stay out of this McCoy. You wouldn't want to get Jim more hurt than he already is." Frank threatens and slams the door shut, leaving him to stand outside, alone.

Bones lets the tears fall down his cheeks.

Jim is once more at the hands of his abuser, and he, Leonard Horatio McCoy has let it happen.

Leonard steps away from the house, heading back down to the dirt path. He vows silently that he'll rescue Jim, that he'll catch him before he shatters into pieces that he'll never be able to collect.

But sadly, he's wrong, troubling so. Bones will fail Jim, because Jim was made to shatter.


	8. if i stay will you retrieve me?

A _Star Trek_ Fiction

 _"The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever."_

Break but Shatter

 **if i stay will you retrieve me?**

Leonard doesn't return to the house until early the next morning. Only hoping that Frank is asleep or it'll mean the end of both of Jim and himself.

Bones reaches the house and doesn't bother knocking, simply opens the unlocked door, "Well that's convenient." He remarks gruffly before continuing inside the darkened home.

The house is old styled, much like his mother's in Georgia so he easily avoids the squeaky floorboards and ventures further inside. He feels his stomach churn, he's uneasy. The blackness of the house seems to swallow him whole as he approaches one of the many rooms down the hall.

The brunette opens the door, letting the rank of alcohol wash over him. The smell reminds him of the days he'd come home to his dorm room to find Jim washed up on his couch, covered in his own blood and vomit, half the time usually struggling to breathe.

His heart thumps in his chest, making him remember that he's holding his breath. Bones releases it shakily and comes forward, moving his gaze from the floor to the bed located in the corner of the room.

There's someone sleeping in the bed.

Leonard comes closer to the bed, but his heart sinks, the man is far too large to be Jim. Must be Frank. Bones sighs and starts to step away when there's a sudden moan from the corner of the room. The Doctor nearly jumps and sprints to the door, but he steadies himself and turns toward the source.

"…ones' is that you…?" The voice rasps slowly.

His heart stops beating and the oxygen in his lungs is pushed out forcefully so he doesn't pass out, "Jim."

Bones rushes to his best friend's side, careful not to wake Frank from his slumber, "Jim what happened?"

Jim peels his eyes open and gazes into Bones' pleading stare, "Frank."

Leonard blinks away the tears. Jim's voice had came out as a choked sob and now the Doctor is breaking under the pain and guilt. But he must be strong, for Jim.

Bones pauses; taking in the fact that Jim isn't wearing any clothes and is huddled up in the dark corner of a room. He stands up, brushing Jim's golden hair back, ignoring the blond's startling flinch, before retrieving a blanket to drape it around his best friend.

The blond takes the soft blanket greedily, his body still trembling feverishly.

"Alright, c'mon Jim, let's get you outta here." Bones declares quietly and pulls Jim up onto his wobbly feet.

The blond instantly hisses out in pain and Leonard wraps him up in his arms before he hits the wooden floor. Bones looks at Jim who clutches the blanket close to his naked body.

"It's alright, we'll go to the couch and I'll grab you some clothes." Leonard whispers to the blond; Jim just nods his head and lets the Doctor lead him out of the room and to the worn couch.

The blond plops down heavily and holds down the rising sobs in his chest, but he can't stop the tears from slipping.

"Hey-hey it's alright Jim, it's going to be alright." Bones tries anxiously to comfort his dear friend.

The bond just wipes away the tears with the edge of the blanket and stays on the couch as Bones retrieves some clothes for him to wear. Leonard reappears after several long moments, carrying some pants, socks, underwear, and a plaid button up.

Bones offers his shaken friend a smile as he crouches beside him and peels the blanket from his shivering body. Instantly he earns a heartbreaking response from Jim. The blond immediately reaches for the blanket and when Bones tosses it aside Jim starts to cry again.

"Jim, look at me. It's okay; it's going to be okay…it has to be." Leonard murmurs softly, grabbing the sides of Jim's face and pressing his forehead to Jim's sweaty one.

The frantic blond almost snags away but he remains there, completely tense, "Jim, you have to trust me." Bones mutters hopelessly and Jim sighs, feeling vulnerable and exposed.

"That's a good boy." Leonard smiles after peeling apart, wiping away the silent tears on the blond's face before pulling Jim onto his feet to dress him.

Jim let's Bones help him with his undergarments, it's not like Bones hasn't seen it before anyways. The Doctor then proceeds to yank on some pants and socks, careful not to further injure Jim's busted left knee. He also plays it safe coming around to Jim's right arm, which is obviously sprained.

Once done, Bones takes Jim's good arm and slings it around his shoulders and begins to lead him away.

"Where do you think you're going?" Frank's voice howls from behind them, causing Bones to cringe and Jim to hang his head shamefully.

"Leaving, what does it look like asshole?" Bones grounds out sharply, releasing his grip on Jim to let him slump against the wall before turning to face Frank.

Leonard shudders the second he sees the man. Frank seems to be twice as large since the last time he saw him and in his giant hands he holds a decent sized whiskey bottle.

"You watch your tone with me Doctor. You might wanna leave before I break something. That something being your pretty face." Frank snarls, now standing over him, his grip tightening on the empty bottle.

Bones holds his ground firmly, trying to not shiver underneath the man's deathly shadow, "Not without Jim."

Frank snorts, "Doctor please, leave while you still can."

"Only if Jim comes with me." Bones replies, gazing into Frank's soulless eyes.

"Bones!" Jim's sharp cry gets both of their attentions.

Frank just watches as Bones rushes to the blond's side, "Jim what's wrong?" Bones asks him, grasping onto Jim's trembling hand.

"Can't…breathe." Jim rasps shakily, his chest heaving up and down in attempt to bring in more oxygen.

"Frank turn on the lights and bring me a blanket." Bones orders, helping Jim sit more upright, "It's okay Jim, you're safe here, just breathe for me kid."

"B-Bones." Jim whispers weakly, cold sweat building up on his skin and his breath coming out in short gasps.

"Breathe. In and out. In and out." Leonard commands gently, stroking the blond's hair back before looking over his shoulder at Frank, "Damn it man, turn on the lights and bring me a blanket!"

Frank finally snaps into action and does as he's told, flipping on the lights and handing McCoy a blanket, "Thank you." Bones mutters, snatching the blanket from Frank's grasp.

"Here you go Jim." Bones tells him, wrapping the blanket around his friend's body

Leonard remains there, stroking Jim's hair until his breathing steadies and eventually falling asleep against the wall. Bones sighs and gets to his feet, looking over at Frank who sits upon the couch silently.

"He's coming with me." Leonard informs Frank and the man's eyes shoot up to glare at him, "No, that won't be necessary."

"If he doesn't come with me I'm reporting this."

Frank grins at him, "Go ahead, the only thing they're going to find is you breaking in and entering."

"How are you supposed to explain his injuries?" Bones blurts out, taking a side glance at Jim.

"He got into a bar fight during the funeral." Frank replies dryly.

"Like that'd believe that horseshit." Leonard argues, crossing his arms defensively.

Frank gets to his feet, "Look, I don't wanna get you more involved than you already are. So I'm gonna ask you one more time: leave McCoy or Jim will suffer for it."

Bones looks once more at the still form of Jim's body slumped against the wall; he looks hardly a man, let alone a Captain of a starship. His gaze then finds its way back to Frank, now realizing why Jim is so scared of the man.

How did he let Jim go to the funeral alone? Of course he'd run into Frank there, Leonard should have known. And now he wished that this was the end of all his mistakes, but it isn't.

Leonard McCoy left that household without Jim in his arms. He left his friend with his abuser once more. Frank is stronger than him and Bones will need backup to retrieve his Captain and he has just the person on his mind. And when he returns with the help from Spock, he'll get Jim back, but little did he know that by the time he does, it'll be too late.

 **Note: Next chapter is going to be pretty big so it'll take me sometime to finish, just a heads up that's all. Thanks for reading!**


	9. if i shatter will you rebuild me?

A _Star Trek_ Fiction

 _"The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever."_

Break but Shatter

 **if i shatter will you rebuild me?**

Leonard cannot even put into words to explain the emotions raging through him that next day. He had left Jim utterly alone, swallowed up by his fears and anxieties. Bones has heard the stories; Jim has said them many times over on late nights filled with booze and sorrows. And even though the blond didn't elaborate it in specific detail, Leonard knows Jim was abused physically and mentally by his step father, no doubt about it. And now he has abandoned Jim at his most vulnerable with that man.

He can't believe it; his mind can't even comprehend what Jim is going through right now. The last time they saw each other was during Jim's panic attack, and after that Bones left him sleeping against the wall with nobody but Frank to look after him.

Wise decision Einstein.

The Doctor sighs hoarsely to himself and approaches First Officer Spock's quarters. The damn vulcan refuses to leave the ship even during shore leave.

The Starfleet Medical Officer straightens his worn jacket and gives a knock on the door, trying to hold a decent posture that isn't slouched over in defeat.

"Come in Doctor." Spock voice calls out firmly and Bones does as he told.

Leonard walks inside, not giving much thought to the particular layout of the room, but simply marches straight to the vulcan to where he sits, obviously meditating.

"Sorry for disturbing you." Bones grumbles and Spock raises an eyebrow at him, "Doctor, apologies are not necessary, especially when one does not mean it."

"Whatever Spock. It's about Jim." Leonard clarifies, getting straight to the point; it's most logical for the vulcan and most tolerable for the human.

"Is the Captain in trouble?" Spock asks, gathering to his feet.

Bones nods hurriedly, "Yes, I'm afraid so. He's gotten tangled up with his step father and it appears I need your help."

"Of course Doctor, how may I be of service?" Spock replies with a slick bow.

Leonard just despises the way the vulcan can act so calm while he's over here freaking out, "I need you to convince Frank to let Jim go. You got some quick wit."

"Doctor, is Mister Frank holding Jim against his will or is Jim simply not willing to leave?" Spock suddenly prompts, causing Leonard to freeze up and actually ponder the question.

"No Spock, I saw Jim myself. The bastard is hurting him-and don't call him 'Mister Frank' it makes him sound civil when he's actually an asshole." Bones snaps and begins to lead Spock out of the room.

"Of course, I am sorry Doctor."

"I thought you said don't apologize?" Bones snorts, giving the vulcan a look.

"Only if one does not mean it." Spock responds sternly.

Bones scoffs again, "Exactly my point."

Leonard then takes Spock away, the boiling rage in his mind and chest giving him an aching feeling in his heart. He can't believe he left Jim all alone. But now he's going to make it right, he has to, for Jim's sake.

It takes McCoy the rest of the day to drag Spock across the states to Iowa. Even with the gut twisting shuttle rides it takes them over sixteen hours. Goddamn it why couldn't they just have the beaming technology? But apparently according to Spock, beaming wherever they wanted would be abusing their power and the shuttle companies wouldn't earn much money.

Whatever Spock.

So they take the long way and Leonard can't help but mutter his complaints the whole way there, and Spock only made it worse by using logical facts to back his side up.

They're exiting the last shuttle when Bones gives a hoarse sigh, welcoming once again the Iowa sun beating down on his back. Spock leaves the shuttle as well, giving his thanks before the doors slam shut and the craft speeds away.

"Well, it looks like we're walking the rest of the way." Bones declares and begins the trek to Jim's childhood house.

Spock strolls up alongside him casually, "That is a logical assumption."

"You bet my ass." Leonard replies and regrets it, for the vulcan goes on a terribly long explanation on why he wouldn't 'bet his ass'.

Leonard couldn't believe how appreciative he was one they finally stepped onto the creaking porch and Spock fell silent as they approached the door. The Doctor really didn't know what to expect when he raised his fist and gave several obnoxiously loud knocks.

There's some shuffling inside before the door swings open to reveal Frank.

"What did I say McCoy?" Frank snarls, taking a firm stance and keeping the door only open just enough to see him.

"I've come here to get Jim." The brunette announces.

Frank shakes his head, "I'm gonna hafta ask you to leave now."

"Mister Frank, correct?" Spock interrupts, taking a step forward to block McCoy out, "Yes." Frank responds hesitantly.

"It appears that you are holding Captain James T. Kirk captive. Now the Federation does not take hostage situations such as these lightly and I would hate to get the Admiralty involved. If you do not release our Captain, we will be forced to bring this to the Federation Council's attention and you will be put onto a fair trial." Spock states and Frank blinks a few times, debating his options.

"Look, I'm not admitting to anything. If you want I can fetch him for you and you guys can all leave." Frank prompts, but his tone is still menacing and he acts like he's still in control of the upcoming events.

"I'd prefer, if I could go get him." Bones says suddenly, causing both pairs of eyes to fall onto him.

Frank glares at him, "Yes of course, come inside."

The door then moves further open, welcoming both Leonard and Spock inside. Bones enters carelessly while Spock gives a little thanks before entering.

"McCoy, he's down the hall and the second door to the right." Frank informs him and Bones gives a nod before heading down, moving towards the room cautiously.

His heart rate shoots up as he grasps the handle and turns. The door becomes ajar without any resistance. It gives a soft creak as he pushes it open and shuts it behind himself. Bones embraces the darkness that consumes him and he takes a look around. The room is dimmed, no windows, there's some lights but they're all broken. There's a fan in the corner that gives a strained hum and the bed opposite of it looks like something from a haunted hospital.

"Jim, you here?" He calls out weakly, his voice getting caught in the back of his throat.

A rustle in the left corner catches his attention. Leonard smiles and walks over to the sweaty bundle of fever and blankets.

"How are you feeling?" Bones asks, placing a cool hand on his burning forehead.

Jim's dull eyes peel open and he gives a weak whimper that barely escapes passed his lips.

"That's what I thought kid." Bones smiles, wiping the blond hair back before sitting beside Jim.

The blond gives a weak cough and Bones wraps his arm around his shoulder which Jim flinches away from. Leonard looks at him, quite startled by the reaction. But when he tries again, Jim lets it happen, even giving a comforted sigh.

"Jim, I'm taking you home now." Bones whispers softly to him and watches a shuddering breath escape him.

"Home where?" Jim asks anxiously, tears threatening to spill.

Leonard smiles and draws Jim's head to his shoulder, "Home to the Enterprise Jim. We're going home to the Enterprise."

"Bones." The silent choked sobs release and Bones gathers the sweaty bundle onto his lap as he cries helplessly.

"Shh, that's right Jim, I'm taking you home. Where you'll be safe."

Jim only cries harder, desperately grasping Bones' shirt and keeping his face pressed up against his friend's chest. A strong hand rubs his back while the other runs through his hair, collecting the dirt and grime in those blond tufts.

Leonard squeezes his eyes shut, trying not to cry as well as he begins to rock his best friend in his arms, only wishing he had come sooner. He can't even imagine the pain Jim is going through right now. All the raging emotions inside, the nags in his mind, and the stabs of pain in his chest. It's unfathomable. So Leonard doesn't judge Jim as he sobs into his shirt, his body shivering with each hiccup. He can only hold him tight and pray to god that he'll make it through this, that he isn't completely shattered, hopefully just cracked.

"McCoy, may I be of assistance?" Spock asks as he slips into the room quietly.

Jim only gives the vulcan a side glance before continuing to cry into Bones' chest.

"Yeah actually, come here and hold him for me, I need to grab a few things." Bones replies, ushering Spock forth.

Spock's eyes almost widen in shock, but he does as he's told and sits down beside the pair.

"Yeah that's it, okay, here." Leonard mutters, slowly heaving Jim from his lap and transporting him onto Spock's.

The vulcan's gaze instantly looks uncertain as Jim clings onto him and persists to sob onto his chest.

"Spock you're doing it all wrong." Bones criticizes and crouches down to help his unemotional friend, "Here, put one hand on his back, and one in his hair. He likes that."

Bones grasps each of Spock's hands and adjusts them accordingly until he's satisfied. It's an odd sight to see and Spock seems a bit awkward doing it, but eventually Spock becomes a natural, rubbing Jim's back soothingly while gently playing with his matted hair.

"Bones." Jim whimpers, looking from Spock to Bones, desperately wanting the Doctor to come back, not that he doesn't trust Spock, but he's more comfortable with Bones holding him as he cries like a baby.

"It's alright Jim, I'll be right back. Spock's going to take care of you while I'm gone." Bones informs him reassuringly, bringing a soft hand to Jim's cheek before standing up to leave.

Jim just nods his head and nestles back down onto Spock's chest, making the stoic vulcan raise a pointed eyebrow. But nonetheless, however uncomfortable Spock feels, he brings his hands back to Jim's upper back and hair. The blond sighs and releases a hiccup. Spock looks down at his Captain, a phantom smile playing on the vulcan's lips.

Leonard grins and walks out of the room, knowing that he's left Jim in good hands.

Brushing passed the door; he shuts it quietly and proceeds to the living area, where Frank awaits the groups return. When Bones enters, Frank instantly pulls to his feet and stares his way, his dark eyes burrowing into Leonard's skull. He swallows, almost anxiously, and steps further into the room, trying to meet Frank's stern gaze with one of his own.

"Does Jim have any belongings here?" Leonard asks, recalling that Jim had left on the shuttle with a bag.

Frank nods, "Yes. He hasn't unpacked it though, it's in the garage."

"The garage?"

"Yeah, it's his favorite spot in the house." Frank explains and begins to lead Leonard outside and to their garage.

Frank opens the garage door, only to be met by the emptiness of the room. Leonard's mind fills with disappointment; he expected something cool to be inside. But then again, Jim did crash the Chevy Corvette as kid and there wasn't much to salvage afterwards.

"Aww, here it is." Frank announces, brushing passed an overused motorcycle and snatching up the black duffle bag.

"Thanks." Bones barely manages to grumble out and takes the bag before letting Frank lead him back inside the house, but he can't help but admire the craftsmanship of the wooden porch.

"So, do you plan on bringing this to the Council's attention?" Frank questions slowly, shutting the front door after Leonard steps inside.

The Doctor casts Frank a side glance before slumping down onto the tearing couch, dropping the bag, "I dunno yet. Why do you ask?"

"Because I just wanted to let you know that Jim would never testify against me in court." Frank states confidently, making Bones' eyes narrow suspiciously.

"And why is that?"

"Because family has to stick together." Frank replies plainly and leaves the presence of the living room and enters the kitchen.

Leonard sighs and leans back. It wouldn't surprise him if Jim still stuck to such idiotic principles even after all of this. Jim is a creature of habit whether he likes to admit it or not. So if Frank is right and Jim would never go against his word, then their whole case falls apart. There's nothing without Jim's testimony.

Rubbing a hand over his face, Leonard gathers to his feet and heads back to Jim's room. He opens the creaky door to welcome a caretaking Spock and a sleeping Jim. He smiles and approaches the pair, placing a hand on Jim's burning forehead.

"Ready to go home?"

Spock nods his head and with the help of McCoy gets to his feet with Jim sleeping in his arms.

"You good?" Bones asks, adjusting the blond in the vulcan's arms.

"Yes Doctor." Spock replies, his voice hushed.

Bones nods and leads the two out of the room, making their way into the living room.

"Time to say goodbye?" Frank's voice reaches them as he walks over.

"I believe it is time for us to return home." Spock states firmly, his grip on Jim tightening as the man draws closer.

"Alright, you take care of him." Frank orders, arms crossing.

Bones scoffs and gathers Jim's bag before heading for the door.

"Thank you Mister Frank for you hospitality." Spock says before crossing the threshold of the house, Bones just snorts again.

Frank nods his head and shuts the door loudly, causing Jim to stir in Spock's arms. Bones sighs hoarsely and leads Spock down the porch and onto the gravel path.

"Bones…?" Jim whimpers barely making out the face before him in the darkness of night.

"Right here Jim." Bones replies calmly, stopping Spock in his tracks and grasping Jim's shoulder.

The blond's head turns his way and he offers a lopsided grin, "Can I walk?"

"If you want to."

Jim nods his head slowly.

"Alright, Spock put him down."

Spock gracefully places Jim upright and steadies him when he wobbles. But despite the weakness in his knees, the blond's smile widens at his accomplishment. Bones shakes his head and wraps an arm around his waist and begins to guide him down the path.

"Where are we going?" Jim voices rasps out.

He seems weaker than usual, the frailness of his body becoming eminent.

"We're going home, remember?" Bones prompts, casting his blond friend a worried glance.

Jim takes a moment to recollect his thoughts, his face contorting with slight confusion. But he soon clears it away as the memories come crashing back down.

"Enterprise." Jim breathes, but his tone doesn't sound excited like Bones was expecting it to be.

"Yeah." Bones sighs in agreement; weariness taking its toll on his body.

Spock however seems as well as ever. Actually the slick vulcan is now handling most of Jim's weight without the pair even noticing. Bones grins weakly and continues the trek down the path, Jim's duffle bag becoming heavy within his grasp.

"Doctor, I believe there are no shuttles to ride back to the Enterprise." Spock points out, examining Leonard's drawn expressions.

"Can we just comm Scotty? He should be back from shore leave by now. It is coming to an end Spock."

"Very well Doctor." Spock agrees and hands him the communicator as Jim stumbles on his feet.

"Damn it. Hold him Spock while I make the call." Leonard orders, releasing his grip on Jim and turning his back towards the pair.

"Doctor McCoy to Enterprise, come in Enterprise?" Bones says after the device gives the normal chirping sound as it flips open.

"This is Scotty, we're receiving ya. What can I do for ya Doctor McCoy?" Scotty replies instantly.

Thank god. Most people won't be back on the Enterprise for another day, only the crazy people come back early. Or if one's crazy enough, they never leave.

"Three to beam up."

"Alright, just give me a wee moment. Ahh there ya go." Scotty mutters and whisks them away, transporting them onto the Enterprise.

Bones immediately sucks in a mighty breath. Despite how much he says he hates space and flying, being away from the Enterprise drives him nuts, especially when he knows Jim needs her more than he does.

The Doctor gives Scotty a courteous nod and glances over at Spock, who is now once again holding the Captain within his arms. Scotty's eyes widen and he gives a hearty chuckle at them.

"Is he sleeping?" The head of Engineering exclaims with Keenser sitting himself up on the dashboard, "Get down!"

"It's been a long week." Bones replies dryly and Scotty picks up on the somber tone of the Doctor's voice.

The Scottish man nods his head and watches them pass through the room, heading directly for the Bridge.

Jim begins to stir the closer they get to the Bridge, as if he can feel the captain's chair calling out to him. Bones just huffs and enters the elevator, waiting impatiently for Spock to enter with the squirming blond in his arms. Once inside, Bones activates it and takes them to the Bridge.

The then door swooshes open to reveal the empty Bridge. Leonard's breath is taken away at the sight. The stillness of the room alone is astonishing, only the silent purr of the Enterprise's engines can be heard, but it's calming, not distracting. The ships monitors and any long-range scanners have been shut down. Even the lights have been turned off, so the only thing lighting the deck is the bright stars of space.

Leonard steps out, Spock following close behind, with the sudden peaceful Captain in his arms. He leads the pair to the captain's chair, ordering Spock to place Jim in it.

Spock only nods his head and bends over, placing Jim carefully onto his beloved chair, making sure in his slumped form he's comfortable.

"It's beautiful Spock." Leonard sighs, walking up to the edge of the room, gazing out into the vastness of the Milky Way.

"It is, very fascinating Doctor." Spock replies after leaving Jim to come beside Bones.

Bones lets the silence sink in, not minding at all the infuriating vulcan next to him. After all, Spock is a close friend, whether he likes to admit it or not,

The vulcan suddenly peers over at him suspiciously.

Damn it, did he read his mind?

"What?" Bones questions, crossing his arms, taking his gaze finally off of the magnificence of space and onto that pesky vulcan's face with the quirked up eyebrow game.

"I did not say anything Doctor." Spock responds rather firmly.

Leonard scolds, "You were thinking about something."

"I am always thinking about multiple things, to which do you refer?" The vulcan questions, making the human roll his eyes.

"Goddamn it Spock, are you always this sarcastic?"

Spock takes a glance at him, major eyebrow game, "Answering my question with a rhetorical question does not answer the original question."

"My question is not rhetorical whatsoever Spock; you just don't wanna answer it."

"Doctor, vulcans are incapable of expressing such feelings." Spock counters sharply.

"Sarcasm isn't a feeling Spock."

"No, but usually when one uses sarcasm it is to disguise another feeling. Usually one of anger or sorrow."

"You seem more sadistic than normal." Bones comments, glaring at Spock, but his gaze softens as Spock doesn't reply.

He's about to confront Spock when Jim's sudden raspy voice calls out through the darkened Bridge, catching both of the officers' attention.

"Bones…?"

"Right here Jim." Bones reassures, brushing by Spock and heading towards his Captain.

"Are we home?" Comes Jim's weak voice as he struggles to sit upright.

Bones nods his head, a shaky smile forming on his lips, "Yeah, you're home."

"Can I?" The blond asks innocently, planting his feet firmly onto the ground.

"Yeah, go ahead."

Jim smiles brightly and gets to his wobbly feet. Leonard just steadies him with a hand and lets him walk over to where Spock stands stoically.

The blond's smile only grows wider as he's balanced by both Spock and Bones. He glances between them while they both keep their gazes out into the blackness of space.

It's amazing; here he is, watching his two best friends.

Tears form in his starry blue eyes.

It's within this moment that Jim shatters.

Jim's not looking out into space, he's not counting each individual star, he's not pointing out the neighboring galaxies, he's not anticipating the Enterprise's next move, he's not longing to travel deeper into the unknown. No, the only thing that the blond is paying attention to is his two best friends that saved him from his step father, two best friends that would risk their lives to save him; two best friends that would go that extra light-year for him, two best friends that would literally do anything for him.

But it takes Bones a moment to realize this as all the previous memories come flooding in, as he analyzes each moment gone wrong trying to figure out why he's shattering. He didn't know why Jim was breaking and falling into pieces that he cannot reach. He didn't realize that Jim wasn't shattering from the mental and physical abuses of the past week; he's shattering because he wasn't meant to shatter alone. He's shattering because he isn't alone. He's shattering because he's finally loved; it just took all this time to put the puzzle pieces together.

And within that sudden moment, Bones finds peace within Jim's fragments; he now knows why Jim didn't just break but shatter beyond repair.


End file.
